Now that he put a ring on it it’s time to start planning your wedding! From the moment you get engaged, you and your fiancé will receive a slew of advice from friends and family on how to plan your wedding. But what about all of the advice on what not to do?
When it comes to wedding planning etiquette, knowing a few essential rules can make the difference between your guests (and vendors) having an amazing experience or a negative one.
As a luxury wedding planner, our focus is making sure you’re armed with the information you need to ensure that everyone has the time of their life while celebrating your special day. We’ve compiled a list of several wedding faux pas couples should avoid to plan an amazing and unforgettable day!
1. Don’t Send Last Minute Invitations
Once you’ve hired your wedding planner, the first thing you should do is create your guest list. Knowing how many people you’re planning to invite can help determine your wedding budget and, ultimately, which venue you choose.
We recommend that guests receiving wedding invitations should also receive your save the dates. In other words, your invitees should all be a part of your A-list round of invitations. Admittedly, I’m not a big fan of ‘B’ lists. If someone isn’t important enough to make it to your initial guest list, there is no reason to invite them after the fact — even if space becomes available.
Trust me when I say guests will notice if they receive last-minute wedding invitations. There’s nothing worse than making guests feel like they were an afterthought.
Of course, things happen. You may change jobs and meet new people who become fast friends, or your best friend may start dating a new guy you want to invite, too. While these individuals may not have been around when you sent out your save the dates, be sure to invite any “add-ons” as a part of your A-list wedding invitation mailing — which we advise sending no later than six weeks prior to your wedding day (and 8-10 weeks if guests will need to travel) to ensure your wedding guests have time to make arrangements for your special day.
2. Don’t Overload the Schedule (or Leave Your Guests Bored)
It may be tempting to try and pack your wedding weekend full of guest activities, but resist the urge to plan every minute of your guests’ stay. Instead, provide options for them, such as morning yoga, a bike tour, a casual pickleball or croquet tournament, and a lovely welcome party or farewell brunch. Include details on guest activities on your wedding website, along with a place to RSVP electronically or as a part of your invite suite.
Similarly, be sure to be mindful of your guests and ensure that they’re entertained. Think through the flow of your special day. Don’t leave a huge gap between your wedding ceremony and cocktail hour; 60-90 minutes is more than enough. Be sure to include a great bar, tray passed hor d’oeuvres to stave off hunger, comfortable seating, and some type of entertainment, such as live music.
If your wedding ceremony and reception are held at two different locations, try to minimize the downtime between venues by providing transportation for your guests.
Be sure not to overlook the timing of your dinner reception and after-party. You’ll want to work with your wedding planner and caterer to perfectly time your dinner courses, filling in any gaps with short speeches or dances, as well as tableside wine service.
3. Don’t Overlook Convenient Transportation
Your wedding guests will generally be spending time and money to be in attendance on your wedding weekend. With that in mind, it’s important to make it as convenient for them as possible by organizing your events at the wedding venue.
In cases where some of your wedding weekend activities or events are held off-site, consider providing transportation to shuttle guests to and from the venues. As a destination wedding planner, I highly recommend this if you’re holding your wedding in a location your guests might not be familiar with. As an added benefit, you’ll be able to manage the arrival and departure time of your guests to ensure your day runs on schedule.
Be sure to update your wedding website with any information regarding transportation, such as timing and locations, so that your guests can plan accordingly.
4. Don’t Forget to Plan for Weather Conditions
One of the worst wedding faux pas is neglecting to keep your guests’ comfort in mind as you consider the timing and location of your wedding. For example, if you’re planning an outdoor wedding in summer, you’ll want to provide plenty of shade, such as umbrellas, parasols, or handheld fans. During the winter months, you’ll want to provide pashminas, hand warmers, and heat lamps if you’re planning an outdoor event.
Make sure to let your wedding guests know in advance if your wedding will be held in a field, or if your venue has uneven terrain (e.g. sand) so they can wear appropriate shoes. These details can be easy to forget, but they’re so important for the guest experience.
Today, weather can be mostly reliably predicted using weather apps. For those who want up-to-the-minute customized weather updates, you might consider hiring a wedding meteorologist, such as Iconic Reports. It can be a big splurge, but it’s one that might save the day!
Either way, it’s important to always have a weather backup plan. While this may seem obvious, keep a reserve budget for a tent or work with your wedding planner and venue to consider backup accommodations, such as a ballroom or other space. You might not actually need it, but you’ll have peace of mind that your plan B can be executed without having to scramble on your special day.
5. Don’t Try to Play Matchmaker With Your Seating Chart
It may sound exciting and like something out of a romcom movie, but the reality is that some couples have been known to try to play matchmaker when creating their wedding seating chart. There’s no reason to try to set your single friends up on blind dates (even if you think they could very well tie the knot with each other in the future, too).
If you plan your wedding right, your single friends will meet each other organically during your wedding weekend. That means there’s no need for the dreaded singles’ table! Instead, integrate those friends with no plus one into a seating arrangement with guests during your wedding reception based on common interests to avoid awkward conversations or uncomfortable dinners. After all, your wedding guests want to celebrate your special day — not be forced into having a first date!
6. Don’t Go Overtime on Speeches
Wedding speeches are an incredibly personal and thoughtful way for your family and friends to share their fondest memories of you and your fiancé with all of your guests. Well-thought wedding speeches can be hilarious or bring you to tears with emotion. But the last thing you want is for the audience to be squirming in their seats — or trying to stay awake!
The worst wedding speech in history has to be from my best friend’s wedding in London several years ago where her husband’s best man droned on for 25 minutes of unbridled roasting of the new couple. The problem was that he told some of the least funny jokes of all time! If I had been a wedding planner at the time or one of his friends, I would have taken the mic from him!
This is the last thing you want to happen at your wedding!
One of the biggest wedding faux pas is neglecting to give your guests guidance on their speeches. Give them a time frame on how long they should talk. In our experience, 3-5 minutes tends to be the sweet spot for speech or longer toast. Long speeches will cut into time that could be better spent dancing! Another great suggestion would be to give your speakers a list of topics to avoid, which will generally include politics and exes.
7. Don’t Forget to Feed (and Thank) Your Vendors
Your wedding planner, photographer, and videographer are going to be on their feet for 10 to 16 hours to ensure that your special day goes off without a hitch. They’ll capture every behind-the-scenes moment of your wedding so you can cherish it for years to come. The least you can do is feed them!
No wedding vendor expects to be fed the same meal you’re serving your guests. That being said, be sure to budget for a proper hot vendor meal including a protein and sides. Vendor meals should be provided for your wedding planning team, photographer and videographer (and their respective teams), as well as your band and sound technicians (and lighting tech if they remain onsite for the wedding), too. This can mean providing vendor meals for as many as 18-20 individuals, so it’s important to budget accordingly.
This should go without saying, but you’ll also want to treat your vendors with kindness and respect. Weddings can be incredibly stressful but try not to lash out at your vendors.
Remember to thank your wedding vendors for their services — and if inclined, consider tipping them. Your vendors are service providers and while tips are never expected, nothing says “thank you” more than rewarding them with a tip for their hard work. And if nothing else, a thank you card goes a long way to letting your vendors know how grateful you are for their contributions to your special day!
Now that you know some of the major wedding faux pas to avoid, you’ll be able to focus on planning a day that will lead to a positive experience for your guests and vendors! To ensure your wedding day goes off without a hitch and your guests enjoy themselves, keep these tips in mind and drop us a line at HauteFêtes to start planning the wedding of your dreams!