It’s official — you said “yes!” Congratulations! Now that you’re engaged, you’re probably so excited to jump into planning. But before you get caught up in all of the fun details and dive headfirst into wedding planning, I encourage you to take in the joy of your engagement! It marks an important milestone in your love story. Share the news with your closest family and friends — this moment is meant to be celebrated! Consider hosting an engagement party or a casual dinner to celebrate with your loved ones. Once you’re ready to begin planning your wedding, turn your attention to the 6 things I recommend you do first — as well as a few things not to do!
What to Do After You Get Engaged
1. Do Decide What’s Important to You
How do you envision your big day? Does your partner envision it the same way? While you don’t need to hash out all of the little details, such as the type of wedding flowers you want, what your bridesmaids will wear, or if you’ll serve wedding cake or another dessert, it’s important to ask the big questions to get an overall vision of your wedding.
Here are some of the questions I suggest thinking about:
- Do you want a large, elaborate celebration or a micro-wedding with just your nearest and dearest — or something in between?
- Are you going to get married stateside or do you want a destination wedding?
- Would you prefer your wedding to be a formal event or a casual gathering?
- What season do you want to have your wedding during?
- How long do you want your engagement to last before tying the knot? Do you want a longer engagement or to be married by next year?
- Are you ready to start planning your wedding now to get married sooner rather than later?
These questions will help guide the rest of your wedding planning process, so try to prioritize these as you continue planning. It’s important for you and your partner to be on the same page.
2. Do Pick a Wedding Date
Do you have a specific wedding date in mind? Perhaps you’re dreaming of a certain season or you want to choose a meaningful anniversary date. Generally, it’s good to have an idea of when you want to get married, and agreeing on a month or season to get married during can help you narrow down the dates, too.
As a wedding planner, I suggest taking holidays, family birthdays, and other unique events that happen during the season into consideration when deciding on a date to get married. Although you may have always dreamt of a December wedding, you might have fewer guests in attendance, for example.
Keep in mind that the venue’s availability might also determine your final date. Being flexible with dates will increase your odds of booking the wedding venue and vendors of your dreams.
3. Do Set Your Budget
Money talk might not feel romantic, but it is essential. Unless you plan events and hire caterers on a regular basis, you might be in for some sticker shock. That being said, it’s important to set some parameters as you begin the wedding planning process.
Determine how much you’re comfortable spending and how you want to allocate your wedding budget. It’s important to be clear about your non-negotiables — whether it’s prioritizing the wedding venue of your dreams, an amazing wedding photographer or gorgeous wedding flowers.
It’s also important to discuss whether or not family will be contributing to your wedding budget. At HauteFêtes, we recommend having open and honest conversations with those who are going to be paying for your wedding. While this may be awkward or uncomfortable, discussing the budget upfront sets clear expectations before more in-depth wedding planning takes place.
These days, the tradition of the bride’s family paying for the wedding isn’t always expected. Moreover, the groom’s family might choose to contribute to more than the traditional rehearsal dinner, such as paying for the band or ceremony musicians. It’s not uncommon for the bride and groom to also contribute to the expenses. When setting your wedding budget, you simply need to determine who is contributing, how much they are contributing, and to what aspect of the wedding.
4. Do Agree on an Approximate Guest Count
Your wedding guest list is like the blueprint for your wedding, so it’s important to start building it sooner rather than later! Your guest count will determine so many elements of your wedding, from giving you a budget reality check to setting the vibe of your day. Having a rough guest count helps your wedding planner find venues that can accommodate your wedding, so it’s important for you and your partner to jot down a list together.
Deciding who to include in your special day can be one of the most overwhelming aspects of wedding planning. It’s important to decide if you want a grand celebration or a small, intimate affair. From there, I always recommend starting with who you’re closest to first. From there, slowly add in other people who you want to be included on your special day. I also recommend asking your families for input, especially if there are guests they will expect to invite.
For more tips on creating your wedding guest list, check out my Vogue feature.
5. Do Hire Your Wedding Planner
Wedding planning can be stressful, but it doesn’t need to be! At this point, if you haven’t already, consider hiring a wedding planner. Hiring a planner can save you time, reduce your anxiety, and help bring your vision for your special day to life!
You can think of a wedding planner like a wedding god fairy. From negotiating venue and vendor contracts for you to making sure everything goes seamlessly, we handle the logistics of your special day — allowing you to enjoy your engagement and wedding!
6. Do Start Gathering Inspiration
Finding inspiration is essential when planning your wedding! Collect photos from bridal magazines, start saving Instagram Reels, and dive into Pinterest! Look out for floral arrangements, bridal party looks, color palettes, and anything else that catches your eye! You don’t need to figure it all out right away, but the more you start looking, the more you’ll begin to realize what you like.
Figuring out the style and vibe you want for your wedding will help all of the pieces of your special day come together. Your vision may determine your final budget. It’s important to know what you like and don’t like. Your wedding planner can help you hone in on your vision to ensure everything comes together. Knowing the type of wedding you’re dreaming of will help your planner point you in the right direction when it comes to everything from venues to florists and wedding bands.
What Not to Do When Wedding Planning
Just as there are several wedding planning must-dos, there are a few things you’ll also want to avoid doing.
1. Don’t Promise Anyone an Invite
Before you start promising wedding invites to anyone (family, friends, coworkers or your neighbor’s cousin), make sure your wedding guest list is locked in. There’s no need to commit to inviting guests once your venue and budget are set in stone — whether they are family or otherwise.
Remember, you can always invite someone, but you can’t uninvite someone. With the exception of those closest to you, wait until the save-the-dates go out and skip the “whoops, nevermind” drama altogether!
2. Don’t Let the Wedding Take Over Your Lives
I can’t emphasize this enough! This is an exciting time — sure. But before you got engaged, you had a life outside of wedding planning. It’s important to make sure that you continue to have a life that you enjoy together and ensure that not every conversation you have is focused on the wedding.
I recommend putting dedicated time aside to discuss wedding decor, menus, invitations, and other important decisions about once a week. But outside of that night, it’s important to continue to stick to your regular routine filled with “date nights” and fun activities that don’t involve the wedding.
3. Don’t Let Anyone Pressure You Into a Wedding That Isn’t You
Now that you’re engaged, everyone will have an opinion — and it’s absolutely fine to listen and take advice. But it’s important to remember that it’s your day! That could mean that you don’t want to wear a white wedding dress or toss a bouquet. If you don’t want to cut the wedding cake (or have a wedding cake at all), then don’t do it! If you’ve always dreamt of a garden wedding, don’t let anyone talk you into a beach wedding. If you and your partner focus on deciding what’s important to the both of you, then you’ll find that you’re being true to yourselves and not compromising on the things that matter most to you.
Looking for one more thing to add to your wedding planning to-do list? Do drop us a line at HauteFêtes! We’ll handle the behind-the-scenes magic while you focus on what matters most: saying “I do” in a memorable way! Ready to turn your wedding visions into reality? Let’s start planning!